What Do Normal 30 Somethings Worry About?

 Ahem. It's been awhile. Let's see how rusty I am... 

Here's a photo of my cute family to start :). 

Today I had one of my normal anxious meltdowns - the kind where I hyper focus on a specific (potential) issue, and just can't let it go. Today, it got so bad, I had to text my surgeon photos and get a response before I would calm down. God bless you, Dr. Rosen, for putting up with crazy patients like me. Please don't retire anytime soon! I am working on it, I swear. 

As the incident was occurring, I was on the phone with my mom (duh), sobbing. Poor Terri, she really got handed a difficult card when she got me. I told her - "I just want to worry about what normal 35 year olds worry about." That is truly all I want. 

I want to worry about grey hair. Stretch marks. Scheduling play dates. Is my kid reading enough? You get the idea...

Instead, I constantly worry about death. Am I advocating for myself properly? Should I get this checked out? Have I waited too long to get this checked out? If I did wait too long, what does my treatment plan look like? Am I going to die now?

It's truly exhausting. I am tired. I hate cancer and I hate what it did to my life. 

I am haunted by my friends taken too soon. I see their faces everyday, and wonder why me? Why am I still here and they are not? I think that's called survivor's guilt, yeah? I have that too.

I am tired of cancer. 


What do you guys worry about? Maybe I can try that too. 


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