Adventures of the New Mommy With the Big "C"

Well, here we are. September 27th. I honestly don't quite know what to say. September 27th, 2016 at 9:38am, 36 weeks pregnant, drying myself off from the shower, I got a call from an almost complete stranger telling me that I had Breast Cancer. I can't tell you what went through my head in that moment. When someone tells you you've got cancer, it feels like a dream. "This can't be happening to me," I thought. Because seriously, you NEVER expect something like this to happen to you, especially at 28 years old when you're expecting your first child. This marks one year that I didn't know I would have. One year of fighting fights I never wished to fight. One year (almost) of my greatest joy of this life - Benjamin. Since then, I've delivered my babe, started and finished chemo, had a lumpectomy, was declared cancer FREE, and had a double mastectomy. I've been supported by people near and far. I can't tell you how much it meant, and ...

Have you ever wondered what it's like to enter the mind of someone with anxiety? I, like many others, have suffered from anxiety since I was about 10 years old. I've seen child psychologists, therapists, psychologists, taken medication - you name it, I've tried it.  What I found that really worked for me was running, and since having to take a VERY LONG pause from that, I've been struggling a lot.  Since my cancer diagnosis, nearly a year ago now (whoa), my anxiety has tripled. I can't concentrate, think, or even breathe at times. The fear of leaving this earth prematurely literally eats at me every single moment of every day. The fear of not seeing Benjamin grow up, shakes me.  I might be working quietly at my desk, but my brain races on. You may be talking to me, but sometimes I can't hear what you say. Obsessive thoughts control my every day.  I get so angry sometimes. Like, the one thing I wanted in life (a baby), and someone is trying...