One Year Cancerversary

Well, here we are. September 27th. I honestly don't quite know what to say.

September 27th, 2016 at 9:38am, 36 weeks pregnant, drying myself off from the shower, I got a call from an almost complete stranger telling me that I had Breast Cancer.

I can't tell you what went through my head in that moment. When someone tells you you've got cancer, it feels like a dream. "This can't be happening to me," I thought. Because seriously, you NEVER expect something like this to happen to you, especially at 28 years old when you're expecting your first child.

This marks one year that I didn't know I would have. One year of fighting fights I never wished to fight. One year (almost) of my greatest joy of this life - Benjamin. Since then, I've delivered my babe, started and finished chemo, had a lumpectomy, was declared cancer FREE, and had a double mastectomy.

I've been supported by people near and far. I can't tell you how much it meant, and still does, to me that I've got all of you. Even if you just read this, you're helping me. You've dug me out of the deepest, darkest places of depression and anxiety and helped me see the light.

I've had one year to cry, one year to be scared. I want to declare that today that ends. Today, I will make sure the rest of my years, however many that may be, are filled with endless joy and wonder. I will be a better wife and mother. I cannot control what happens now.

I've had one year to change. Sometimes you have to accept that things will never go back to the way they were; I'm different, cancer changed who I am. Maybe that's a good thing.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." - Reinhold Niebuhr