Adventures of the New Mommy With the Big "C"

I'm not going to lie, adjusting to life after cancer isn't easy. For those months my world stopped. It's hard to realize the world around you just kept moving... And now I'm left here, only a little bit broken. I'm back at my job with the people I love - a welcome distraction from the demons I battle in my head on a daily basis. Cancer sure is a nasty bitch. I still have panic attacks daily. I have obsessive thoughts. Like a wise friend of mine said to me, I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. That's not living, is it? I have thoughts like this. If I die, I have to make videos for Ben. Let him know how much I loved him. Let him know I'll always be with him. I don't want to leave him ever, but if I have to, he will know how much he meant to me. I told my husband today that he needs to make sure my family is still a part of Ben's life. I made him promise to call them, send pictures, go to Iowa to see them, and invite them for ...

I wanted to take the opportunity to answer questions that people had, so I opened the floor to my Facebook friends with questions about cancer. So here's what you all came up with: Question: How did you manage to stay so positive? Answer: I don't. I struggle every minute of everyday to remain positive. I am having a really tough time dealing with anxiety issues. Every bump, pain - it's cancer all over my body. I am terrified everyday. Every second. I definitely have good days (mostly when I don't have to be alone), but the truth is that I am definitely not as positive as I should be. I continue to receive good news, but for some reason that doesn't seem to help. I've lost the trust I had in my body. I don't trust that it will continue to fight off cancer; it's as if I'm still waiting for bad news. I don't want to die. I want to be able to see my baby grow up, and I'm so scared that I won't get this chance. I am working super hard...