The Face of PTSD/Anxiety Disorder




Is there anything more terrifying than being faced with death? Imagine being told at 28 that you may die, not see your child grow up, that your cancer has a higher rate of recurrence than the rest; it’s aggressive, but hasn’t traveled any further than it’s original growing place. 

I try so hard to focus on that small piece of good news. Every day I wake up and struggle not knowing if there could be cancer growing in my body. WHY CAN’T I MAKE THIS FEELING GO AWAY?

Why can’t I move on? Pretend this didn’t happen? I did chemo, I got all the surgeries. I did everything I could. Right?

Insert Paige, the second guesser. Maybe it spread in the week and a half I waited to have chemo after I gave birth? Maybe that small cell traveled to my brain and is growing there? Maybe these allergies and sinus issues I’ve been having a really a brain tumor that is slowly taking my life away?

This is PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder. my friends. Obsessive thoughts. Constant. Nonstop. My mind will not rest.

I know you’re all tired of reading this same thing. “Why can’t she just get over it?” - prolly what you’re thinking. ME TOO.

I saw a quote tonight as I drove past a church on my way home, “Worry stops where faith begins.” I want to tell you how much I thought about that. I believe in God, I pray. But honestly I’ve had trouble talking to him lately. I’m ashamed at how much my worries take over, like maybe that makes me less of a believer? Another way I feel I’ve failed in life. 


This post is silly, maybe. But hoping someone out there can relate, or know they aren’t alone. I’m here. 

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