The Dark Depths of the Mind




This past week has been a sad one, with two very well known individuals taking their own lives. While I don’t normally comment, I wanted to say something- this affects a few of my closest friends, and even me in a way. 

I in no way can reflect on how others feel, but I can tell you how my anxiety can throw me into deep, deep throws of depression. Since returning home from Iowa last weekend, I’ve been struggling a lot. Had some weird stuff going on, making me think it was cancer related. Being me, I texted my doc who got me in right away. He did an exam and told me I was fine. However, the past few days I have spiraled someplace down deep. 

I can’t get out of my head. I can’t focus on anything but cancer and death. I’m having trouble just getting through the day. I’m excusing myself at work to catch my breath and cry. I don’t want to burden others or want them to think I’m crazy. 

My mind just won’t quit. What if my cancer is growing back? What if I die and my son doesn’t even remember me or
how much I loved him? What if no one remembers me? What if my life was for nothing at all? These thoughts can circle all day long. Round and round again.

I myself am not suicidal. I have never even thought of harming myself, but I know first hand how hard it can be to reach out when you’re having a hard time. Sometimes our minds can literally paralyze us. If this is how I’m feeling, I can’t imagine how it must be for others. 


Friends. I can tell you how one conversation can be meaningful to someone who is struggling. They may not have the courage to tell you what’s going on, but just talking may put their mind at ease. Reach out to those who you suspect are having a tough day- the day may actually be a week, month or year. Letting someone know you care can make a huge impact. 

Comments

  1. UnknownJune 12, 2018 at 5:54 PM

    You are an amazing strong woman and have so much to live for. I understand how dark depression can paralyze a person and then I feel so guilty for having those feelings. No one knows what other people are going through. Be kind to one another. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    ReplyDelete

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