The Truth Is...

I wanted to take the opportunity to answer questions that people had, so I opened the floor to my Facebook friends with questions about cancer. So here's what you all came up with:

Question: How did you manage to stay so positive?

Answer: I don't. I struggle every minute of everyday to remain positive. I am having a really tough time dealing with anxiety issues. Every bump, pain - it's cancer all over my body. I am terrified everyday. Every second. I definitely have good days (mostly when I don't have to be alone), but the truth is that I am definitely not as positive as I should be. I continue to receive good news, but for some reason that doesn't seem to help. I've lost the trust I had in my body. I don't trust that it will continue to fight off cancer; it's as if I'm still waiting for bad news. I don't want to die. I want to be able to see my baby grow up, and I'm so scared that I won't get this chance.

I am working super hard to correct this, or at least make things better. I'm seeing a therapist twice a week, and this week I will start a low dose of a daily anxiety medication. Stuff happens, and sometimes it's near impossible to work through by yourself - THAT'S OKAY. I am not ashamed. I need help. In my case, I hope time will heal.

Question: What is the impact of and on a support system?

Answer: My support system has been my lifeline. I've got family, friends, Facebook groups, Instagram friends- friends from literally all corners of the world. These people are my light in the darkness. Without them, I couldn't get through the tough days.

The better part of this question definitely is, what is the impact ON my support system? Truthfully, I can't even imagine. I can't tell you how many times a day I talk with my mom, husband, and mother-in-law and ask "I don't have cancer anymore, right?" It must be so exhausting. I literally ask EVERY. DAY. Sometimes twice. Sometimes more. I can't help it. I call my older sister at least twice a week so that I can let her know how I'm feeling and have her ask my brother-in-law if it all sounds normal. He's a neurosurgeon, so I'm constantly asking questions about any aches and pains I may have - my mind nearly always tells me I've got a brain tumor. All of these people (far and wide) are amazing in their ability to handle my crazy.

Question: Prevention?

Answer: THIS IS HUGE. The sad truth is that 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. A good rule of thumb is to do a self examination in the shower on the first of the month. Check the campaign #feelitonthefirst on instagram- you'll see some awesome posts. If you feel something that seems off, GET YOURSELF CHECKED! DON'T WAIT! This is a huge reason why I've gotten such positive results. I caught my cancer early. Some aren't so lucky. So please, if you feel a lump or something isn't right - trust your gut. You know you better than anyone.

Another huge part of prevention can be genetic testing. This is the test that told me I've got the BRCA 1 gene mutation, putting me at a higher risk for breast cancer (obviously, ha) and ovarian cancer, etc. This test is very expensive and many times insurance will not cover it. The good news is, the Susan G. Komen foundation has a ton of resources, including grants to help pay for breast related tests. Check out the website for more info: http://ww5.komen.org/ - help is always available.

Another great way to prevent cancer or to check yourself is to get a yearly mammogram. Many of you reading this are under 40 years old (which is the age where they start to require the mammogram). But look at me - 28 years old, diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer well before the age to begin yearly mammogram screenings. If you've got a family history of breast cancer, by all means, start these tests early. A couple minutes of discomfort - totally worth it.

 Question: Boob removal?

Answer: Hands down this has been the easiest part of my journey. I was so nervous to go under the knife. Mostly because I'm a control freak, and going under anesthesia and then waking up was a super creepy concept to me. Luckily for me, I had an amazing nurse who put my mind at ease. We joked all morning while waiting for my surgery (Thank you, Kristin!). When I woke up, I felt completely fine. After a few days, I was back to feeling mostly normal.

Because I opted to do a nipple sparing mastectomy, this surgery was the 1st of 3. My next surgery will be the big one where they remove the rest of the remaining tissue.

Question: What would I tell my old self now?

Answer: I would tell her that she's not alone,  she never will be. I would let her know it's okay to feel sad and angry and anxious. It's okay to ask why. It's okay to call your oncologist once a week to make sure what you're feeling is normal, ha. It's okay to ask for help.

I would definitely tell her to love every moment and to quit sweating the small stuff.

Thanks for the help with this blog, everyone! I hope I can help someone going through a tough time, even if their journey is not cancer related. I'm always available to answer any questions privately as well. You can find me on instagram: ohhayitspaigey or just reach out on Facebook if we're friends. A very special thank you to Michael Grobin for his stellar photos. Check out the rest of his work here: www.michaelgrobinphotography.com :).

Peace and love.